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ASSISTANT EDITOR...Shiela C. Gday
ART DIRECTOR...Crystal Layke
PERSON IN CHARGE OF SHIT HAPPENING...Annette Wilson
BUSINESS MANAGER...M.T. Promys
TECHNICAL ADVISOR...Freddie Threepwood
CONTRIBUTING EDITORS IN ABSENTIA OR OTHERWISE...Pearl Handle...Jonah V. Poontang...Joe Clifford Faust...Kevin J. Anderson...Janet Fox...Bruce Boston...Piers Anthony...Theodphilus J. Poontang...John Benson...and so many others we can't even remember their names.

Production of the Anonymous Author's Guild, Kickass, Texas. Wholly, totally and completely financed by the INSTITUTE OF MOROLOGY, Amarillo, Texas. Affiliated with the Library of Unwritten Books, Normal, Ohio. A subsidiary of the Gallery of Unpainted Art, Hercules, California. Controlled by the Malversation Society, Big Boot, Texas. Grants written by the Nonexistant Arts Foundation, Nowhere, Texas. Harrassed by the Organization Which Secretly Controls Shit Happening, Creamslit, North Carolina. Any resemblance to any person or organization either living or dead or in some transient state is strictly intentional.

Since we published the very first issue of BONESTRUCTURE so many years ago, people have asked us annoyingly and repeatedly, "Who the hell IS Arlie C. Bonestructure?" That's a difficult question to answer, as even HE doesn't seem to quite know. But we can recount a bit of his odd history.

Not much is known of his natural parents, but he seems to have been born as Donald Q. Clinton. He seems. however, to have been misplaced while on a camping trip in the Panhandle Mountains of Texas at the tender age of two. Abandoned, he was reared in the wild by a den of hedgehogs. At the age of five, a scouting party dicovered him scavenging in the ruins of Camp Kickapoo which had recently suffered an unfortunate serial killer incident. There were sharp sticks glues to his body and, when approached, he rolled up into a ball and tried to stick anyone who came near.

He next resided in the Our Mother of Holy Brain Damage Orphanage until adopted by Roscoe T. Bonestructure, the flange manufacturer.

Arlie showed an interest in literature at an early age, producing as his first work, an emulation of Dickens titled SCROOGE AND THE MINESHAFTS OF MARS. Impressed by this burgeoning talent, Roscoe sent Arlie to the best schools: Kinky Friedman Elementary, Panther Whiz Jr. High, Doolittle High School, and finally to his own alma mater, the Institute of Morology.

Arlie's first publication was a two sheet, TALES OF THE JIMMY HOOTERS, an emulation of 30's pulpzines. Encouraged by the success of this, he quickly followed it up with HOOTERVILLE HIJINX, BUBBA AND THE PEBBLES OF DOOM, STICKS AND ROCKS, HEDGEHOG MONTHLY, and his big moneymaker STAR ARGUMENTS. He had, in short, created a publishing empire unheard of since the heyday of Horace Bumfinger and the infamous BALLYHOOTER scandals.
But Arlie C. Bonestructure was consumed with one burning question: When they ship styrofoam, what do they ship it in? To answer this question, he published his first issue of DAILY BONESTRUCTURE, the eponymous magazine that created circles in the waves of literary sycophancy. In concert with his soulmate and best friend, Crystal Layke, he published four more issues, as well as the subsidiary publications REALLY REALLY WEIRD STORIES and TALES FROM THE HEDGEHOG BURROW. Unfortunately, Crystal went insane due to a tragic merkin fire and Arlie was unable to continue due to depression, disingenuousness and general ennui.
Now however, in order to overcome his tragic loss and desperate loneliness, Arlie has acquired an Earthcore 986FX2MMDD800 computolator and, fortunately, discovered the Mindbender DIDDLYWHOOP DISCIPLINATOR BACKPAGE HTML editor. His thought turned immediately to the age old question of styrofoam. He determined to resurrect BONESTRUCTURE in a new shape and format, but with the same concepts and dreams. Arlie now lives in Amarillo with his yearning dreams and poignant memories of Crystal, a cranky dishwasher, two friends, a job working with toxic chemicals and a large family of cockroaches which take care of his house. The townsfolk believe him to be insane, but as he is rich and powerful and owns two of the three local television stations, they choose to call him eccentric.

ULTIMATE BLOOD AND GUTS IN BUTCHER'S HOLLER is this here movie about this dumb guy who will use a chain saw when he has to, and has an unfortunate tendency to put a soiled pair of underwear over his head as a disguise, but it's ultimately about a man who loves to use his mouth. Now, first of all, when a guy carries a bloody, hopped up chain saw, the old underwear on the head trick ain't much of a disguise. I know what you're thinkin. Vampire. But nope. This guy only kills teenaged sluts. First he eats em, then he kills em, then he eats the parts and licks the floor.
There are these four girls who go to a remote mountain island for a vacation. I suspect this is somewhere in canada, but no one says eh, so it's hard to tell. Boy, are these girls in for a surprise. Old underpants has already killed and et everyone within a fifty mile radius and is just lookin for fresh comestibles. The only one who's left is the spooky old man who wanders around with his harry hangin out of his pants lookin for a place to put it, and even when the girls ask him what's going on all he says is, "We're all doomed."
Then one of the girls gets et and she enjoys it, but she doesn't much enjoy the carvin up afterwards when the underwear guy makes her eat her own foot without so much as some relish or nothin. We get our first good look at the underwear guy, and right away we know he's a psycho cause he walks real slow like all psychos. Boy is he scary!
There are three really great scenes in this movie. The first is right away when all three girls, who sleep in the nude, are awakened by abloodcurdling scream. They huddle together for comfort, one thing leads to another and boy, howdy! Them girls get REAL comfortable with one another while underwear guy watches em through a crack in the ceiling breathing all heavy like. But who wouldn't. There's another in the underwear guy's cabin in the woods, where he has a collection of frozen parts ready to barbeque. And the final scene where underwear guy chases the cute, huge breasted redhead through the creaky old forest.
Three stars for scary, two stars for story, 47 breasts, blood and gors aplenty, 93 cut up half et bodies, breast fu, butt fu, chainsaw fu, and underwear fu. Bob Joe says see this sucker. You'll walk funny leaving the theatre.