One hates to inject any kind of serious note into what is purported to be a site for humor and junk like that, but sometimes, actual important things need to be said. Stuff with redeeming social value and shit. I Use myself as an example, as most writers do. I have suffered more trauma, heartbreak, disaster, injuries, physical and mental abuse than most people are capable of living through. I have no clear idea how I lived through it. The result of this lifetime of battering has made me into a man who is barely human, critically depressed, suicidal, alienated, desperately lonely, afraid, disabled, in short, really screwed up and falling apart. The only reason I'm not dead already is because of some wonderful friends on line, my computer, Bob, and a promise I made to someone whom I love more dearly than life itself. It is, I can tell you, possible to get so depressed, so far beyond suicidal, so deeply into physical and emotional pain, that you simply stop feeling, stop living, and become a zombie. Comfortably numb, as someone very wise once said.

Now, many people like to say (as people like to say a lot of dumb ass things), that such events should make us stronger, more dedicated, that we should get up and go on with our lives. People spout a lot of bullshit. Writers hear this a lot. We're actually pretty depressed as a crowd. But humans only have so much strength, so much courage. After it's gone, there's nothing left but being sort of alive and waiting for the next thing to hurt. The thing is, the people who are able to pick themselves up and go on, are those who have friends and family, who have people that love them, support them and care about them. Those of us who don't have any of those things, who have never had them, or have had them once and watched them get cruelly ripped away for no understandable reason, who have never been genuinely loved, who don't have anyone or anything save, maybe, our computers, simply aren't able to just get up and go on without help and love and caring. We don't have the inner resources. Sex is good, too, but some of us need to be in a relationship to even think about it. For us, life has ended, without meaning or purpose or, worse, turned into a hellish morass of endless pain, exhaustion and suffering. It is not a state of being I would wish on my worst enemy. We're the living dead.

Just as an example, about a year ago, while working on a truck, I dropped a 150 Lb file cabinet on my foot. It literally crushed the big toe. Extreme pain, yes. Shock, sweat, passing out, the whole deal. I didn't go to the doctor or anything like that, though it's left me with a toe that doesn't bend and usually hurts, especially when I work on my feet all day at my job. But my attitude was, oh well, one more pain to add to the list. So what? It may be a bad attitude, but if you've been hurt a lot, and abused, it's the attitude you end up with.

Why do I say these really bummer, depressing things? Jeez! Because, dear friends, I want to make a point. Watch your friends, your family, your loved ones. Be kind. Be supportive. Don't spout bullshit. If you can't say I love you and mean it, then shut the hell up. Try to remember that not everyone has a life, and that people who talk about suicide usually ARE in danger of dying, if not physically, then emotionally. And believe me, being emotionally dead is far worse. Not everyone has ever felt love, or caring. Some of us would give anything we had just to be touched and hugged without waiting for the blows to fall. We'd kill to be able to make love to someone we liked and enjoy the peace that that brings. We'd give various assorted body parts to be able to just talk to someone, about anything, without being insulted and shamed and humiliated.

Be kind and loving. Try to reach out instead of being afraid. It's hard, yes, it's difficult as hell, but don't chase those people away just because they're unhappy or a downer. Don't tell them, "Oh well, if you're going to kill yourself, don't do it here." Chances are they need a friend or a lover desperately, just to keep them alive, to help them feel like they exist, that they matter, that their life has some meaning or purpose, to someone. Shockingly, your body isn't made out of gold, it won't break or tarnish if you take the time and the care to share it freely with someone you know needs it desperately. And, truthfully, speaking as an ex-psychologist, those people, people like me, desperately need someone to care about, even more than they need someone to care about them. They wouldn't come to you if they didn't care about you.

I make jokes about looking for another wife. No matter what happens in my life I never seem to lose my sense of humor. But very, very few people know just how serious I am about it, how desperately I need someone, or how scared I am to actually find it. Even more so now, since the one person I was fortunate enough to find, died. I simply do not function well, or at full capacity when I'm alone. Don't be fooled by a jolly, outgoing exterior. Some of us are like that because it's our basic personality and because we want so desperately, so intensely, to make contact with other human beings. It's not an act, but it is a disguise. Because when we're alone, we have to face all the pain and despair that a life of trauma and aloneness has created in us. So we try not to be alone. You'll see us, hanging in the shadows, just trying to be WITH people, somewhere, somehow. We're not very funny to ourselves. Be kind. Show love and compassion. Share yourself with another soul, it doesn't cost you anything and it works a hell of a lot better than prozac. In the end, those things are all that really matter in this world.