It's hard to know what to say about yourself personally. I'm weird, okay. Let's get that out of the way, right up front. I'm not a serial killer or an axe murderer or a slimy alien mutant or a devilbunny lover, but I am a very strange person. Iconoclastic, eccentric, bizarre, perverted, even totally nuts on occasion. And a nudist to boot. But never, ever boring. Why, in real life, I'm a laff-a-minute kinda guy. I am, at various times, a dominant male, a big old silly teddy bear, a smartass, a poet, and a big kid. Mostly a big kid. Writers never grow up, you know. It's in the job description, on page fifteen, paragraph four, subsection 12, "Never grow up." I've worked hard at it for most of my life. As a writer and artist, I thought it was expected of me, and I didn't want to disappoint anyone. I earned it honestly by living much of my life in the public eye, as writers and artists are wont. I have to keep my reputation in mind, feed it, pet it and care for it, or it runs around the bookcase yapping and growling all night and keeps me awake biting at my ankles, smoking my cigarettes, drinking my beer and changing my TV channels. And it always misplaces the remote.

Where was I? Oh yes, I was right over here. Or was I over there? No, I was right here, yes.

To start with, I wan't born, actually, I was surgically removed from my mother's body after she and my father had been killed in a traffic accident. This is absolutely true. Needless to say, it was not a good beginning, though I was too young to remember it at the time. Perhaps this was why I became a horror writer among other things. For a native American (ooh, I hate that term, it wasn't America when we lived here), I look remarkably white. There's some Swedish, somewhere in my family tree. Swedish seems to be extremely strong genetics. It overwhelms everything else. This, I will be honest enough to admit, has advantages, one of which is that I can actually grow a decent beard. But inside, I'm all red. Well, there's a little gooshy stuff, too, but I tend not to ponder that too thoroughly.

Yes, I did work in porno. No, I won't tell you the names of the movies I was in. I simply do not wish to have people, at this semi-respectable, not looking so good anymore point in my life, see me like that. It makes me feel icky. I'm not ashamed of more than half of them, but there were many of them done in a remarkably short time and, thankfully, most are out of print now. Not that any of them were worth keeping in print. Not exactly classics. It was both a lucrative and an enjoyable profession, though only a small part of my life. And, no, I was never a star, or even well known, just a dependable bit player, also known as 'the meat'. When they wanted a decent bodybuilder type, they called me, or one of thirty or forty guys like me. But I was very cooperative, so I worked fairly steadily.

The only bad effect it had was that, because of the lifestyle I led in rock and roll, and after that in the record industry, I suffered from a serious cocaine problem. The porno business, at that time, had rivers of cocaine and other wonderful substances, and I swam right to the bottom and never came up. It was NOT the fault of the business. It was my own fault. I volunteered. No one held a gun to my head and forced me to imbibe. I have however, now been clean for about ten years, now.

To answer some questions...In the old days, many of the "money shots" (you know what I mean) were faked with Jergens lotion, or some other comparable liquid. And probably still are. Is the passion real? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends on who you're going out with, who you like working with and who you can't stand to work with. When the hot steamy sex is broken up into several shots to get camera angles and close ups, and to account for screw ups, it's kind of hard to really get too awfully hot and steamy.

Porno has gotten to be such a lucrative business these days, that there are entirely too many crappy, unprepared actors in it. Most of them don't seem to even be capable of sustaining an erection. But there were some good ones, and there may still be today. I don't keep up. Find an actor with a good sense of comedy and you have a star. John Leslie comes to mind, a great and funny man.

Speaking about rock and roll and the music industry (huh? Saywhut? I'm lost now!), I must say I'm disappointed by it nowadays. Not at the music, which still has life and meaning, but at the business itself. I still do a little A&R for an independent producer in Los Angeles now and then, who also happens to be an old friend, and while he IS open to new bands and somewhat liberal, most of the business isn't like that. Thank the Goddess for the indy labels, they're keeping the music alive. I do stuff for him because he was my producer in the sixties, and I know how he thinks and where his head's at as far as music, and he knows I have good taste and an eye for bands that have a chance of succeeding. If you have a band, and you feel like you want some advice, send along a demo tape with at least five original songs. I've done both engineering and producing, and I can usually tell you, if nothing else, how to improve both your sound and your chances. And if I like the music, I'll review the album right here on the ole site.

In the old days (Makes me sound terribly ancient and walking five miles through the snow with no pants fighting off rampaging packs of rabid weasels, don't it?), people in the music business were a family. We partied together, jammed together, got high together, traveled together, helped each other out, cried together when we lost one of our own, knew the same people, lived much the same lives. Record companies, while they might, and oftem did rip them off, (and one name comes to mind immediately, but since John Fogarty already got screwed by him and he's a big shot movie executive nowadays, I think I'll let him go without identification, though it's true, he can't dance) would give new bands a fair chance to make it. Nowadays, the business is cutthroat. If you're not on the ball and quite serious in promoting and taking care of your business, you don't have a chance. Bands often see one another as competing for the limited opportunities and, unless a band can almost guarantee to sell millions of records, the producers won't even take a chance on them. And about half the bands they do produce are, quite frankly, crap.

I don't know what the band's problems are. Bad attitude, I guess. But I can tell you the problem with the record industry. In the old days, the companies were run by people who loved music and knew something about it. Usually knew a lot. Now, just as is the case in book publishing, big companies have purchased the record industry. Companies that only care about profit, not music, and who know jackshit about music of any kind. I doubt seriously if any of the CEO's even listen to the product they sell, or could name any of the bands they record. The only exceptions are the small, independent labels, who, basically, are trying to do business in the music industry the way it was done in my day. I say, hooray for them. But to the bands I say, get over it. Start grasping the concept of cooperation and friendship. One day you may want someone to cover yer ass, it's good to have friends.

While I like, nay, love, rap and hip hop and heavy metal, goth, deathmetal, trance, you name it, I despise the negative messages much of it contains. If you're going to work to build your talent, struggle to perform, to get a contract, say something positive and worthwhile. Maybe your life does suck. You know what? Who the Hell cares? When it comes to life sucking, believe me, I can come up with worse stories than you've ever even thought of going through. But I don't inflict my negative attitude on other people. I mean, does anybody really want to hear a song about how my ex left me on christmas day, in a strange town, to have an affair with her father? I don't think so. I try to make em laugh or think, or at least entertain them. Music, writing and art have two purposes. They hold a mirror up to life to show people things about themselves and their world they wouldn't ordinarily see and, once having shown them, take them out of themselves to show them someplace, some way, which is better. So get over it, eh? If you happen to be one of those bands that have no talent whatsoever, well, you're on your own, bud. The way things are going nowdays, you'll probably be right up there with the Hansons and Silverchair and Korn and a thousand other talentless bands I could name.

I can hear you whispering (or is that whimpering?) to your computer even as we speak. "Is this guy really serious about finding a new wife on the net?" Yeah, why not? I hear tell others have done it. And, as a writer, I have met many of my past mates by snail mail, so the internet is natural to me. Just a bit faster.

I like women younger than I am, mostly. I always have, ever since I was younger, so long ago. About twenty years is just right. As far as looks, I don't much care about classic beauty. Like I said earlier, I think Shelly Duvall is cute. I do, however, have my definite type. Let's be honest, you ain't gonna have a good relationship with someone you're not attracted to. It just doesn't work. I know, I've tried it. You can say looks don't matter, and up to a certain point, they don't. But there at least have to be some basic chemistry and attraction. I can't explain why I'm attracted to the type I'm attracted to, it just worked out that way. As I have said many times, I do have a major weakness for red hair and freckles. I need someone who has a better organized mind than mine, and is intelligent enough to have wide ranging conversations. Sex, daily and nicely is vital to my well being, but talking is even more vital. Be open minded, not just about sex, but about everything. I prefer to be a househusband so that I can work at writing and on my design business, which I'm very good at, and I'm a very good househusband as well. It's important that you be playful, a little weird, and kind of a space case. I like to be on an equal footing after all. Cooking is not a necessary skill, but doing at least a bit of the of the housework would be nice. Being able to kick or motivate my ass when I need it is good. It's important that you only be willing to take a certain ration of shit from me, and then stand up for yourself without, however, devastating me in the process. Just be strong enough to do what you need to do and tell me when I'm wrong without letting it pile up and hitting me with it by surprise. I like someone who is compliant, a bit sub, but not a doormat. Have a mind of your own, the sharper, more twisted and warped, the better.

As I said, facial features aren't so important to me. I like distinctive faces, faces that show you've lived, that stand out in a crowd. If you fit vaguely into my physical type, and have the mental and emotional qualities I'm looking for, I can find beauty in any face.

As far as what I look like, well, not bad. My looks change periodically. When I have a full beard, people say I look like Jerry Garcia. When I lived in Berkeley, that mistake was often made. They also say I look like Jim Croce. Who Knows. At the moment, I'm overweight and out of shape due to brain damage suffered in a tragic and unfortunate head bashing incident a few years ago. (Hey, I've lived a hard life and it was pretty damn tragic to me, considering it was MY head that was being bashed.) But I'm on a diet and trying to get back into bodybuilding again, so that will change.

"Your mouth's open." "I know, I opened it."